Some of my favorite quotes

A half-truth is a whole lie.

Among those who stand, do not sit; among those who sit, do not stand. Among those who laugh, do not weep; among those who weep, do not laugh.

Anyone who teases you loves you.

Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house.

Be sure to send a lazy man for the angel of death.

Be the day weary or be the day long, at last it ringeth to evensong.

Do not ask questions of fairy tales.

Do not make yourself so big, you are not so small.

Do not meet troubles half-way.

Don’t be too sweet lest you be eaten up; don’t be too bitter lest you be spewed out.

Don’t live in a town where there are no doctors.

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

Don’t make a toil of pleasure.

Don’t open a shop unless you know how to smile.

Don’t pick a wasp out of a cream-jug.

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

God gives burdens also shoulders.

He who puts up with insult invites injury.

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.

If the rich could hire someone else to die for them, the poor would make a wonderful living.

If you can’t go over, you must go under.

In a restaurant choose a table near a waiter.

Look for the good, not the evil, in the conduct of members of the family.

Make sure to be in with your equals if you’re going to fall out with your superiors.

Never trust people who tell you all their troubles but keep from you all their joys.

Never trust the man who tells you all his troubles but keeps from you all his joys.

Prepare your proof before you argue.

Pride is the mask of one’s own faults.

Pride joined with many virtues chokes them all.

Pride that dined with vanity supped with poverty.

“Rejoice not at thine enemy’s fall”–but don’t rush to pick his up, either.

The innkeeper loves a drunkard, but not for a son-in-law.

The only truly dead are those who have been forgotten.

What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t invent with your mouth.

What you give for the cause of charity in health is gold; what you give in sickness is silver; what you give after death is lead.

When two divorced people marry, four people get into bed.

When you have no choice, mobilize the spirit of courage.

With money in your pocket you are wise, you are handsome, and you sing well too.

You can’t force anyone to love you or lend you money.

Your friend has a friend; don’t tell him.